Presence of the Other
by Dr. David Lawson

The body of Christ is an incredible community. We are encouraged to support each other in times of joy and sorrow, laughing with each other in times of celebration, and encouraging each other in times of sadness. Yet there are many life experiences that hurt people so significantly that we, as the body, struggle with a Christian response. Do we pray with them, share Bible passages, or provide comforting words? Each in the right time and situation can comfort, encourage and strengthen. But what response is there for devastating or overwhelming life situations? Students in counseling often ask the same question. How do I comfort someone experiencing overwhelming pain?

To help prepare my response I often use Bible passages to help enlighten students on both the correct and incorrect ways of engaging fellow believers. Job is an example of someone experiencing tremendous pain. Job, a man of God, loses everything that is important to him, including his children. In psychology and counseling this person would be considered the most likely to be severely depressed, commit suicide and score the highest on all of our stress scales. Job is left with nothing but raw pain. There are many who can relate and have experienced a similar situation to Job’s.

Pain can create such raw emotional responses that any interaction may cause further pain. It is very similar to severely scraping your knee or elbow. When a healer attempts to help by putting medicine on the wound, you feel their body heat before they touch your skin. Emotional wounds can be triggered the same way. You may feel so emotionally raw, that talking about the issue with someone trying to help can trigger more pain.

For someone in tremendous pain like Job’s, words are often meaningless. Bible passages intended for good can seem shallow and pedantic. Prayer is often just a deep moan, or cry of pain, and frequently prayers from the good hearted feel more like rocks pelting the wounded than words to the Almighty. So what can Christians do?
The Bible says that Job was sitting alone in the ashes with boils, when his friends arrived to support and comfort him. They sit with him, in silence, thus providing the best example of good counseling and friendship. This response seems almost impossible in today’s culture of fast food and quick fixes. Yet this is exactly what Job needed, time with others and their presence.

The friends sit with Job, then like many today, Job’s friends feel the need to help and begin talking. This is exactly what Job did not need. Someone in that much pain does not need perspective, the big picture, or explanations. They just need the presence of others. Thus Job provides both the best and worst examples of how to help those in pain.

Today the example in Job is still useful. There are times for talking and discussion, prayer and Bible study. But there are situations that call for Christians to take time and be present, supporting others in silence. What an incredible relief. Christians do not need to have the perfect answer, or be eloquent. We just need to be present with those in pain. And that may be the most Christian, and helpful response of all.

Dr. David Lawson is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and is a Professor of Counseling Psychology at Palm Beach Atlantic University-Orlando Campus.